How to Fight NiceBy Doreen Stoltz
Every couple will have conflict at one time or another. A marriage does not exist where the couple has never fought. But, when conflict happens, the ultimate goal should be to resolve the differences in a way that makes the relationship stronger. Any resolution will require the participation of both spouses. Without a mutual desire to resolve conflict, there is little chance of the relationship surviving.
Fighting is not a bad thing. In fact, it can actually make the bond stronger if done in a healthy way. Conflict is also a way of practicing how to control our emotions instead of letting our emotions control us. Luckily, there are ways to fight fair. First of all, listen to each other. Give each other ample time to voice their opinion without interruption from the other. Discuss the conflict as soon as possible. Silence can be a killer. Don't put it off until bedtime or until the next day. Conflict needs to be resolved soon because the longer we stew about it, the more resentful we become. Don't bring up the past. What the other has done in the past is just that, past. Keep it private. Don't involve others in your personal problems, especially your kids. We need to model positive behaviors for them, although, if the conflict involves the whole family, include them in the discussion to come up with a solution. Lastly, don't go to bed angry. Solve the day’s conflicts before you crawl into bed so that you have a restful sleep. It is not a good feeling to wake up next to someone you are angry with.