Communication
Communication is the key to a successful marriage. Actually, it is the key to any successful relationship. A lack of communication between two people causes unhappiness for both, but yet effective communication takes practice. It is impossible to grow in your relationship if you do not strive to resolve conflict.
Many times there are things that prevent us from being effective communicators. Sometimes we can't receive the message. Maybe our spouse is hard of hearing or maybe mumbles when they speak. Maybe we don't really understand what our spouse is trying to say, they may be phrasing it in such a way that the point is not well understood. There may sometimes be other distractions that are preventing us from really hearing the message or we may not really be interested in what our spouse is talking about. We also fall victim to assuming that either we already know what they are saying or assuming that our spouse should already know what we mean by what we are saying.
Probably the one most important key to effective communication is listening. You are a good listener if you are able to repeat what your spouse said in such a way that says we know and understand what they just said to us. What we say is also just as important. We tend to speak to our spouse differently than we do to others. Next time you are in a heated discussion with your spouse, stop and listen to yourself and ask "would I have talked to the people at work this way?" Real communication happens when we value the person we are speaking to and when we use a friendly, calm tone of voice.
There are ways to learn this real communication. Praise your spouse at least once a day. Find one thing each day that you can compliment them on. Read some books on effective communication. Check out your local library or bookstore. You can also make a list of things that you like about your spouse and exchange those lists. Refuse to get into a shouting match with your spouse. We usually end up saying things we don't mean or that we regret. Lastly, make a commitment to your marriage. That will be the best message you can send your spouse.
Doreen Stoltz
2008